The 2013 Champion is crowned

by Twisticuffs Posted on April 4, 2013

@blakehounshell: TFC13 Western Semi-Finalist

No ballot submitted. Vote split 50/50.

@dandrezner: TFC12 Runner-up

I’m not gonna lie — prior to the start of the #TFC13 finals, I had bones to pick with both finalists. With @texasinafrica, I have not forgotten her quixotic, Santorum-like surge during last year’s final duel with @will_mccants, taking votes from judges that I had counted on. Would I have won otherwise? Probably not, but any international relations scholar will tell you that past reputation has the potential to affect future expectations. Plus, she was supposed to meet me for coffee a month or so ago and, like, totally blew me off so she could continue to attend her conference. It’s like she likes political science or something. Even before this contest began, she called upon her followers to stalk me. That old Klingon proverb about revenge being a dish best served cold seemed apt as I mulled over how to cast my vote.

On the other hand, @smsaideman hasn’t been taking advantage of the grudge. No, instead, I have had to hear over and over and over again via Twitter about my obligations to him regarding Theories of International Politics and Zombies. Indeed, in his blog post about this finals contest, he noted, “Dan has gotten semi-rich off of his Zombie book, which I blurbed and also assigned to my Intro to IR class back when I was at McG.” Let’s throw modesty into the wind here - of course you assigned it, Steve, it’s a f**king awesome book!! Don’t say it like you’re doing me a favor! Plus there was that whole linking-to-a-picture-of-Buzz-Bissinger-in-python-briefs-business on Twitter a few days ago. What Is Seen Cannot Be Unseen, I’m afraid.

The point is, before the finals, both of these political scientists had good and truly cheesed me off. Which, admittedly, doesn’t have much to do with the actual #TFC13 contest. But I thought I’d bring it up to demonstrate no bias going in, and plus I’ve been told it’s good to get stuff like that off of one’s chest. And, hey, you know what, I DO feel better. Thanks, Caitlin!!

As for the actual contest: Laura showed her game early, getting her first tweets in just after the stroke of midnight. By the time I awoke this AM, she was hard at work, tweeting up a storm of judge-complimenting and primo Saideman smackdown. Most important, there was some fascinating stuff about Africa, including this tweet about the media hiring fake Somali pirates for on-camera interviews.

Saideman… not so much. Instead, in a display of nearly Ned Stark-like stolidness, he blogged his entire strategy. Seriously, who does that against a lady that can dispassionately analyze the DRC in one hand and proffer cupcakes in the other? Laura Seay makes Cersei Lannister look like Hodor, for goodness’ sake!

As the day unfolded, Saideman was able to rally, live-tweeting an International Studies Association panel and finally engaging Laura’s relentless attack. But Laura was up to the task and her countersnark and tweeting were extremely informative.

Now I do sympathize with Steve’s plight — I was at ISA during last year’s Twitter Fight Club finals. It’s not easy to be erudite about world politics and still twitterfight… which was why by the end of the day I wasn’t sounding erudite at all at the conference and instead furiously tweeted about McCants being an Al Qaeda clone. It wasn’t enough to win, but I went down fighting, and let’s see Will try to get a codeword clearance now. These are the sacrifices one must be willing to make to become champion. In the Game of Twitter Fight Club, you tweet or you die. And whenever a finalist complains that it’s hard, I must reflect on the late great Jimmy Dugan’s maxim:

All hail the Queen. I must vote for Laura.

@JimmySky: TFC13 Eastern Semi-Finalist

First off, massive thanks to @caidid for being the driving force behind making Twitter Fight Club 2013 happen this year. Without her tireless motivation and chronic insomnia there is no way that any of this would have happened. Incidentally, you should go check out her newest endeavor, drawnward.com, which is a very smart, eclectic approach to IR and NatSec issues, much like Caitlin herself.

I’m also honored to have been asked to participate in judging with the likes of @BlakeHounshell, @DanDrezner and the Patron Saint of Counter-Terrorism and #TFC12 Champion, @Will_McCants. As the Wichita State Shockers of this year’s Twitter Fight Club Final Four, I assure you that I recognize how lucky I was to make it as far as I did.

So, on to the actual competition…

Both competitors came out today swinging, but Laura Seay brought the thunder, not to mention the Marines, straight outta the gate.

All day long, this onslaught continued. And while this would have been formidable enough, @TexasinAfrica’s tweets were consistently bolstered by her proxy, @brettfriedman.

However, Steve got right in the game, albeit a few hours behind the rest of us, and started mounting his own attacks.

Unfortunately for him, some of these turned out to be a little bit of a stretch…

PROTIP: If your strategy is to emphasize your “feminine side” & your beard, you may want to revisit your strategy. @smsaideman was further hampered by the fact that he was attending ISA all day today and was forced to try and condense all of that knowledge into 140-character chunks, with varying degrees of success.

@smsaideman did score points for posting one of my favorite scenes from an all-time classic movie:

However, even in a day packed full of contentious back and forth, they were able to find some common grounds for agreement.

…and, in the true spirit of Twitter Fight Club, @TexasinAfrica closes out the day like this:

Granted, this could all be an effort to lull @smsaideman into a false sense of security so @brettfriedman could call for fire on ISA, but it was a nice gesture nonetheless.

It really was close, but in the end I have to go with @TexasinAfrica for #TFC13 Champion.

@will_mccants: TFC12 Champion

I’ll spare you my agony about choosing between two of my favorite tweeters. Here’s the criteria Qadi McCants used to judge the worthiness of our two final gladiators:

Pander Bear: Last week, Steve (@smsaideman) preemptively pandered by picking me up at the Ottawa airport (even after my flight was delayed an hour) and feeding me a gourmet meal of poutine and pork porridge (believe it or not, there are high-end versions of both). Today, Laura (@texasinafrica) sent me a massive box of Georgetown Cupcakes, which were a big hit with my coworkers and my kids. Steve may have been pandering but I’m convinced he would still have been an excellent host if there were no #TFC. Laura’s pander was pure, sweet sycophancy taken to whole new level. Point to Laura.

Texan cupcakesTexan cupcakes noteCompletes Me: You know those times when you come up with the bestest, funniest tweet ever, you send your hilarious tweet out into the universe, and no one responds? Heartbreaking. The agony lingers for hours as you check and recheck your feed. “What went wrong? That hotdog and pigeon joke was GENIUS.” Well, Steve and Laura won’t leave you hanging. If Steve is online, he’s responding, looking for a way to give your sad joke an assist. He’s the Oop to your Alley. And Laura? Laura will give your little quip a “favorite” star. That gold star discretely says, everyone else thought your joke was crap but I got it buddy (or at least I don’t want you to feel like a jackass). For this category, it’s a toss-up.

As Nice in Person as They Are on Twitter: I’ve only met Steve in person and he is the nicest. I hear from @charlie_simpson that Laura is a gem but I have yet to see her sparkles with my own eyes. Point to Steve.

Home State Pride: Steve has mentioned a few times that he’s from Pennsylvania. Laura’s twitter handle lets you know where she’s from every time she tweets. Point to Laura (especially since my Texan father would disown me if I messed with the Lone Star State).

Pop Culture IR: A few of my friends and Steve Walt hate using pop culture to explain IR theory. I love it and Steve feeds me a steady diet of the superhero/Hogwarts/Lanister goodness. I’m sure Laura would do more of this sort of writing if she didn’t care about people dying in Africa. Depressing. Point to Steve.

Difficulty of Pronouncing Their Last Name: Although Laura’s last name is only four letters, it’s almost as hard to pronounce as Zack Beauchamp’s. I’ve heard a friend of hers pronounce it Shay. I’ve heard a guy on the radio say Say. (I asked Laura—it’s SEE.) Steve’s is even tougher. Just look at that thing: Saideman. What do you do with all those vowels? Sayd Man? Side Man? Say De Man? And which syllable do I stress? Penult? Antepenult? Mess. Point to Steve.

Regional Specialty: Steve and Laura are both political scientists, so they tweet about all sorts of nifty power dynamics the world over. I’m so envious of the breadth of their knowledge that I have to constantly remind myself how important it is to know one geographical area really well. Steve knows a lot about some dangerous places but only Laura has taken the time to truly learn how messed up one corner of the world can be. Point to Laura.

Lady Power: I’m PC enough to find Laura’s appeals to lady power persuasive (or perhaps I’m terrified of being called out as a sexist oaf for being insensitive to such things). But Steve has a daughter and as a dad to two little ladies myself, I’d hate for Steve’s daughter to see her dad lose on account of gender alone. If Laura is going to win, it should be because she’s a fantastic tweeter and a gnarly gladiator. Toss-up (because really, a vote for one or the other based on gender is just going to get me in trouble).

Fighting Skillz: Both Steve and Laura have been no-holds-barred throughout the entire tournament. I’ve seen some seriously mean tweets from both of them and, in the context of this competition, I approve. What makes it better is that during normal work hours, both are as polite as can be. This is what you want in your champion folks: someone kind who can turn on the nasty when duty calls. And I know whereof I speak. I barely beat Steve last year and Laura mounted a last minute insurgency in an attempt to steal my title. I am still nursing a grudge against Laura, so….Point to Steve.

Tally: Steve 4, Laura 3. Steve gets my vote but a sincere salute to Laura for a well-fought tournament.

A special note of gratitude to Caitlin for organizing everything again for this year’s superb tournament. You rock.

Public Polls

82% @texasinafrica
18% @smsaideman

Both finalists were relentless, creative, informative, dirty in the fight, gracious outside it. Both take their work seriously, but don’t take themselves too seriously. Through six rounds of competition, both have brought great spark to the competition, but in the final reckoning it seems @texasinafrica’s was the Team of Destiny. It was a worthy fight, but @smsaideman said it himself during the Final Four:

In the end, perhaps it was inevitable that @texasinafrica would reign this year. In addition to the cupcakes @will_mccants showed on his ballot, she managed to get a dozen to @dandrezner too. At ISA. With Stars of David on them.

And after all, this is the woman who received two judges’ votes in the 2012 Final which she wasn’t even in.

Congratulations, @texasinafrica, on your well-deserved victory!

The results for the bracket pool are in as well, and the winner - beating out his next closest opponent by one point! - is @MarkfromArk! @MarkfromArk, email [email protected] with a mailing address to which we can send your prize. Thanks for taking part, all!

Round One Round Two Sweet 16 Elite Eight Final Four Final Total
@seucT 22 18 4 8 52
@HerbCarmen 23 16 12 51
@thecamelsnose 23 12 8 43
@RogueAdventurer 23 12 8 8 51
@Sandra_Woy 23 12 8 8 16 32 99
@MichaelStone 21 12 8 41
@MikeTalley73 26 16 8 16 66
@nebarkley6 23 16 8 47
@milaficent 23 18 8 8 57
@smsaideman 23 16 8 47
@intelwire 26 20 8 54
@azelin 23 12 4 8 47
@strangestrings 25 12 4 8 49
@pcdisney 21 16 16 8 16 77
@MarkfromArk 26 22 16 8 16 32 120
@anniesperson 20 6 26
@astridhka 21 10 8 16 32 32 119
@emptywheel 26 12 8 46
@JDanaStuster 20 18 8 8 16 70
@DaveedGR 20 10 8 8 16 32 94
@walt_sa 19 10 29
@minglishmuffin 20 20 8 8 56
@LeoAdrien 17 8 4 29
@johnsonr 22 16 12 16 16 32 114
@rejectionking 23 20 16 59
@AngelaConner 23 12 4 39
@AthertonKD 19 8 4 8 16 32 87
@drjjoyner 25 24 12 16 16 93
@ctn767 24 16 8 8 56
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