Monthly Archives: April 2013

@blakehounshell: TFC13 Western Semi-Finalist

No ballot submitted. Vote split 50/50.

@dandrezner: TFC12 Runner-up

I’m not gonna lie — prior to the start of the #TFC13 finals, I had bones to pick with both finalists. With @texasinafrica, I have not forgotten her quixotic, Santorum-like surge during last year’s final duel with @will_mccants, taking votes from judges that I had counted on. Would I have won otherwise? Probably not, but any international relations scholar will tell you that past reputation has the potential to affect future expectations. Plus, she was supposed to meet me for coffee a month or so ago and, like, totally blew me off so she could continue to attend her conference. It’s like she likes political science or something. Even before this contest began, she called upon her followers to stalk me. That old Klingon proverb about revenge being a dish best served cold seemed apt as I mulled over how to cast my vote.

On the other hand, @smsaideman hasn’t been taking advantage of the grudge. No, instead, I have had to hear over and over and over again via Twitter about my obligations to him regarding Theories of International Politics and Zombies. Indeed, in his blog post about this finals contest, he noted, “Dan has gotten semi-rich off of his Zombie book, which I blurbed and also assigned to my Intro to IR class back when I was at McG.” Let’s throw modesty into the wind here - of course you assigned it, Steve, it’s a f**king awesome book!! Don’t say it like you’re doing me a favor! Plus there was that whole linking-to-a-picture-of-Buzz-Bissinger-in-python-briefs-business on Twitter a few days ago. What Is Seen Cannot Be Unseen, I’m afraid.

The point is, before the finals, both of these political scientists had good and truly cheesed me off. Which, admittedly, doesn’t have much to do with the actual #TFC13 contest. But I thought I’d bring it up to demonstrate no bias going in, and plus I’ve been told it’s good to get stuff like that off of one’s chest. And, hey, you know what, I DO feel better. Thanks, Caitlin!!

As for the actual contest: Laura showed her game early, getting her first tweets in just after the stroke of midnight. By the time I awoke this AM, she was hard at work, tweeting up a storm of judge-complimenting and primo Saideman smackdown. Most important, there was some fascinating stuff about Africa, including this tweet about the media hiring fake Somali pirates for on-camera interviews.

Saideman… not so much. Instead, in a display of nearly Ned Stark-like stolidness, he blogged his entire strategy. Seriously, who does that against a lady that can dispassionately analyze the DRC in one hand and proffer cupcakes in the other? Laura Seay makes Cersei Lannister look like Hodor, for goodness’ sake!

As the day unfolded, Saideman was able to rally, live-tweeting an International Studies Association panel and finally engaging Laura’s relentless attack. But Laura was up to the task and her countersnark and tweeting were extremely informative.

Now I do sympathize with Steve’s plight — I was at ISA during last year’s Twitter Fight Club finals. It’s not easy to be erudite about world politics and still twitterfight… which was why by the end of the day I wasn’t sounding erudite at all at the conference and instead furiously tweeted about McCants being an Al Qaeda clone. It wasn’t enough to win, but I went down fighting, and let’s see Will try to get a codeword clearance now. These are the sacrifices one must be willing to make to become champion. In the Game of Twitter Fight Club, you tweet or you die. And whenever a finalist complains that it’s hard, I must reflect on the late great Jimmy Dugan’s maxim:

All hail the Queen. I must vote for Laura.

@JimmySky: TFC13 Eastern Semi-Finalist

First off, massive thanks to @caidid for being the driving force behind making Twitter Fight Club 2013 happen this year. Without her tireless motivation and chronic insomnia there is no way that any of this would have happened. Incidentally, you should go check out her newest endeavor, drawnward.com, which is a very smart, eclectic approach to IR and NatSec issues, much like Caitlin herself.

I’m also honored to have been asked to participate in judging with the likes of @BlakeHounshell, @DanDrezner and the Patron Saint of Counter-Terrorism and #TFC12 Champion, @Will_McCants. As the Wichita State Shockers of this year’s Twitter Fight Club Final Four, I assure you that I recognize how lucky I was to make it as far as I did.

So, on to the actual competition…

Both competitors came out today swinging, but Laura Seay brought the thunder, not to mention the Marines, straight outta the gate.

To sleep, perchance to lose a twitter fight. #wheressaideman? #TFC13

— Laura Seay (@texasinafrica) April 3, 2013

.@smsaideman: Canadian, Texas-hater, picked me to win. #TFC13 bit.ly/17cOZ1M

— Laura Seay (@texasinafrica) April 3, 2013

I’ve lived in a war zone. @smsaideman visited one once. For a week. Vote me. j.mp/Z293xg#TFC13

— Laura Seay (@texasinafrica) April 3, 2013

All day long, this onslaught continued. And while this would have been formidable enough, @TexasinAfrica’s tweets were consistently bolstered by her proxy, @brettfriedman.

Spent the last hour repainting all of my claymore mines so that they say, “Front Towards @smsaideman”

— B. A. Friedman (@brettfriedman) April 2, 2013

@smsaideman Look out your window. A little to the left. Smile for my recon element.

— B. A. Friedman (@brettfriedman) April 2, 2013

However, Steve got right in the game, albeit a few hours behind the rest of us, and started mounting his own attacks.

@texasinafrica has no kids, I have a teenager.So, if you are a parent, vote for me.If you hate kids, vote for her. #tfc13

— Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

@texasinafrica only likes Paul Simon music from 1980s—the African influenced stuff.She hates Garfunkel &Bridge over Troubled Waters #tfc13

— Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

Unfortunately for him, some of these turned out to be a little bit of a stretch…

But I have feminine side RT @texasinafrica: .@smsaideman: not a woman. Vote #teamwomeninnatsec! bit.ly/17cOZ1M #TFC13

— Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

I have been fighint old boys network since 2013 MT @texasinafrica: .@smsaideman: not a woman. ! bit.ly/17cOZ1M #TFC13

— Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

one key standard #tfc13 criteria: the beard. Say no more! twitter.com/smsaideman/sta…

— Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

PROTIP: If your strategy is to emphasize your “feminine side” & your beard, you may want to revisit your strategy. @smsaideman was further hampered by the fact that he was attending ISA all day today and was forced to try and condense all of that knowledge into 140-character chunks, with varying degrees of success.

Not for amateurs twitter.com/smsaideman/sta… — Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

@smsaideman did score points for posting one of my favorite scenes from an all-time classic movie:

have 2 say, today felt like this scene youtube.com/watch?v=lC6dgt… up to the voters to choose whether she or I am the Dread Pirate Roberts #tfc13 — Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

However, even in a day packed full of contentious back and forth, they were able to find some common grounds for agreement.

Concur mt “@texasinafrica: I really want a constitutional amendment requiring state legislators to pass a constitutional literacy test”

— Stephen Saideman (@smsaideman) April 3, 2013

…and, in the true spirit of Twitter Fight Club, @TexasinAfrica closes out the day like this:

Finally, thanks to my opponent @smsaideman, a scholar whose work I’ve admired for years & who I still can’t believe is a twitter friend.

— Laura Seay (@texasinafrica) April 4, 2013

.@smsaideman is a scholar & a gentleman who gives damn good advice on life in a crazy profession. Sir, it has been a pleasure. #TFC13

— Laura Seay (@texasinafrica) April 4, 2013

Granted, this could all be an effort to lull @smsaideman into a false sense of security so @brettfriedman could call for fire on ISA, but it was a nice gesture nonetheless.

It really was close, but in the end I have to go with @TexasinAfrica for #TFC13 Champion.

@will_mccants: TFC12 Champion

I’ll spare you my agony about choosing between two of my favorite tweeters. Here’s the criteria Qadi McCants used to judge the worthiness of our two final gladiators:

Pander Bear: Last week, Steve (@smsaideman) preemptively pandered by picking me up at the Ottawa airport (even after my flight was delayed an hour) and feeding me a gourmet meal of poutine and pork porridge (believe it or not, there are high-end versions of both). Today, Laura (@texasinafrica) sent me a massive box of Georgetown Cupcakes, which were a big hit with my coworkers and my kids. Steve may have been pandering but I’m convinced he would still have been an excellent host if there were no #TFC. Laura’s pander was pure, sweet sycophancy taken to whole new level. Point to Laura.

Completes Me: You know those times when you come up with the bestest, funniest tweet ever, you send your hilarious tweet out into the universe, and no one responds? Heartbreaking. The agony lingers for hours as you check and recheck your feed. “What went wrong? That hotdog and pigeon joke was GENIUS.” Well, Steve and Laura won’t leave you hanging. If Steve is online, he’s responding, looking for a way to give your sad joke an assist. He’s the Oop to your Alley. And Laura? Laura will give your little quip a “favorite” star. That gold star discretely says, everyone else thought your joke was crap but I got it buddy (or at least I don’t want you to feel like a jackass). For this category, it’s a toss-up.

As Nice in Person as They Are on Twitter: I’ve only met Steve in person and he is the nicest. I hear from @charlie_simpson that Laura is a gem but I have yet to see her sparkles with my own eyes. Point to Steve.

Home State Pride: Steve has mentioned a few times that he’s from Pennsylvania. Laura’s twitter handle lets you know where she’s from every time she tweets. Point to Laura (especially since my Texan father would disown me if I messed with the Lone Star State).

Pop Culture IR: A few of my friends and Steve Walt hate using pop culture to explain IR theory. I love it and Steve feeds me a steady diet of the superhero/Hogwarts/Lanister goodness. I’m sure Laura would do more of this sort of writing if she didn’t care about people dying in Africa. Depressing. Point to Steve.

Difficulty of Pronouncing Their Last Name: Although Laura’s last name is only four letters, it’s almost as hard to pronounce as Zack Beauchamp’s. I’ve heard a friend of hers pronounce it Shay. I’ve heard a guy on the radio say Say. (I asked Laura—it’s SEE.) Steve’s is even tougher. Just look at that thing: Saideman. What do you do with all those vowels? Sayd Man? Side Man? Say De Man? And which syllable do I stress? Penult? Antepenult? Mess. Point to Steve.

Regional Specialty: Steve and Laura are both political scientists, so they tweet about all sorts of nifty power dynamics the world over. I’m so envious of the breadth of their knowledge that I have to constantly remind myself how important it is to know one geographical area really well. Steve knows a lot about some dangerous places but only Laura has taken the time to truly learn how messed up one corner of the world can be. Point to Laura.

Lady Power: I’m PC enough to find Laura’s appeals to lady power persuasive (or perhaps I’m terrified of being called out as a sexist oaf for being insensitive to such things). But Steve has a daughter and as a dad to two little ladies myself, I’d hate for Steve’s daughter to see her dad lose on account of gender alone. If Laura is going to win, it should be because she’s a fantastic tweeter and a gnarly gladiator. Toss-up (because really, a vote for one or the other based on gender is just going to get me in trouble).

Fighting Skillz: Both Steve and Laura have been no-holds-barred throughout the entire tournament. I’ve seen some seriously mean tweets from both of them and, in the context of this competition, I approve. What makes it better is that during normal work hours, both are as polite as can be. This is what you want in your champion folks: someone kind who can turn on the nasty when duty calls. And I know whereof I speak. I barely beat Steve last year and Laura mounted a last minute insurgency in an attempt to steal my title. I am still nursing a grudge against Laura, so….Point to Steve.

Tally: Steve 4, Laura 3. Steve gets my vote but a sincere salute to Laura for a well-fought tournament.

A special note of gratitude to Caitlin for organizing everything again for this year’s superb tournament. You rock.

Public Polls

82% @texasinafrica
18% @smsaideman

Both finalists were relentless, creative, informative, dirty in the fight, gracious outside it. Both take their work seriously, but don’t take themselves too seriously. Through six rounds of competition, both have brought great spark to the competition, but in the final reckoning it seems @texasinafrica’s was the Team of Destiny. It was a worthy fight, but @smsaideman said it himself during the Final Four:

In the end, perhaps it was inevitable that @texasinafrica would reign this year. In addition to the cupcakes @will_mccants showed on his ballot, she managed to get a dozen to @dandrezner too. At ISA. With Stars of David on them.

And after all, this is the woman who received two judges’ votes in the 2012 Final which she wasn’t even in.

Congratulations, @texasinafrica, on your well-deserved victory!

The results for the bracket pool are in as well, and the winner - beating out his next closest opponent by one point! - is @MarkfromArk! @MarkfromArk, email [email protected] with a mailing address to which we can send your prize. Thanks for taking part, all!

	Round One	Round Two	Sweet 16	Elite Eight	Final Four	Final	Total
@seucT	22	18	4	8			52
@HerbCarmen	23	16	12				51
@thecamelsnose	23	12	8				43
@RogueAdventurer	23	12	8	8			51
@Sandra_Woy	23	12	8	8	16	32	99
@MichaelStone	21	12	8				41
@MikeTalley73	26	16	8	16			66
@nebarkley6	23	16	8				47
@milaficent	23	18	8	8			57
@smsaideman	23	16	8				47
@intelwire	26	20	8				54
@azelin	23	12	4	8			47
@strangestrings	25	12	4	8			49
@pcdisney	21	16	16	8	16		77
@MarkfromArk	26	22	16	8	16	32	120
@anniesperson	20	6					26
@astridhka	21	10	8	16	32	32	119
@emptywheel	26	12	8				46
@JDanaStuster	20	18	8	8	16		70
@DaveedGR	20	10	8	8	16	32	94
@walt_sa	19	10					29
@minglishmuffin	20	20	8	8			56
@LeoAdrien	17	8	4				29
@johnsonr	22	16	12	16	16	32	114
@rejectionking	23	20	16				59
@AngelaConner	23	12	4				39
@AthertonKD	19	8	4	8	16	32	87
@drjjoyner	25	24	12	16	16		93
@ctn767	24	16	8	8			56

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, they have fought their way here to the castle beyond the Goblin Cit-wait no, different epic quest. Let’s try that again:

Through twitterfights untold and snarkings unnumbered, they have fought their way here to the championship round of TwitterFightClub. Whose will will be strongest, and whose kingdom most great?

Our two finalists are prolific, erudite, and constantly engaged, but more than anything else, these two who have outlasted all the competition this year have proven to be the most relentless contestants, hitting from all angles, never letting up, peppering opponents with shots, proxies, photoshoppings, and devastating attacks, leaving them nowhere to run, popping up at every turn.

Our finalists will be judged today by a panel of four judges: two men who know what it is to be in their shoes, last year’s finalists @dandrezner and champion @will_mccants; and the foes they have most recently vanquished, TFC 2013 semi-finalists @JimmySky and @blakehounshell (for isn’t it one mark of a great twitterfighter that he/she can retain the respect of his/her opponents, even while beating them?)

These four will decide 50% of our finalists’ fates. You will decide the rest:

Polls close at midnight EDT. After that, you have no power over this competition.

Today’s matchups were both lopsided in activity. @texasinafrica continued the full-court-press strategy she has employed to great success throughout the tournament, while her opponent @blakehounshell engaged only lightly.

On the other side, @smsaideman kept up a near relentless dance, while @JimmySky was occupied during much of the day:

He made a late play for the judges’ favor, but was it enough? Here’s how the races broke down.

Western Final

**@texasinafrica: 84%, three of four judges’ votes
@blakehounshell: 16%, one of four judges’ votes
With three of four judges and her most-dominant-yet showing in the public voting, the favorite moves on to Wednesday’s final.

Eastern Final

@JimmySky: 37%, two of four judges’ votes
**@smsaideman: 63%, two of four judges’ votes
@JimmySky’s late surge was enough to split the judges, but @smsaideman takes the day with a strong edge in the voting.

Tune in tomorrow for the epic final battle of TFC13! And now to the judges’ ballots.

@guinpherson

Thanks to @caidid for taking the lead on this and pulling it all together. When I was invited to judge, I thought I was the subject of an April Fools’ Day prank. But to my chagrin, it was a genuine request. Lucky you, competitors. Like judges of the past, I decided to vote by relying almost entirely on pandering, responsiveness, and snark. There may have been a magic 8-ball involved.

We already know these four have the smarts, but who had tenacity to fight to the end TODAY?

@texasinafrica vs. @blakehounshell

@texasinafrica has been a force to be reckoned with since day one, and today was no different. She came out of gate pandering, and heavily so, with #FollowMonday’s, and submitting a gracious request to the judges:

soon to be followed by this:

She brought the pain. She was relentless. Most importantly, she said she would paint my bedroom. While I’m aware that’s not likely to happen, she does possess mad painting and decorating skills, seen here:

And besides baby @HayesBrown in a bow tie, can anything top a baby AND chocolate in the same tweet? I think not.

I’ve been following @blakehounsell for some time, and he is consistent in his ability to keep the tweets coming, like an Olive Garden waitress with breadsticks. While he provided continuous content and actively engaged with others in the twittersphere, he seemed largely absent from the fight itself. Other than delving out a handful of retaliatory punches when aroused, it was pretty quiet.

The clear winner today was @texasinafrica

@JimmySky vs. @smsaideman

I’ve been a long time follower and fan of @JimmySky. NOTE: His kid was declared persona non grata at the White House Easter Egg Roll. Please take a moment and check out the full story in his twitter feed. Point for @JimmySky. His priorities were with the family later in the day, so his engagement with TFC was limited-which is both understood and admirable. Come nightfall, he made a gallant attempt to make up for valuable lost fighting time, and succeeded.

Bonus: He was the only contestant to note my preferability of cider to bourbon, albeit disapprovingly.

@smsaideman’s sheer amount of interaction was impressive. He really laid on the snark and pandering thick, and early, even though he later criticised @texasinafrica for doing the same:

On the downside, there came a point when I lost count of the memes. Oh, the memes! Ok, so this one was good:

Later came a plea to Morgan Fairchild, which I have to give him credit. Ballsy.

Overall, he followed through with the zingers and excelled in the responsiveness category.

Both performed well, but today, I have to give the win to @smsaideman.

@hayesbrown

After my inglorious defeat in the Sweet 16, I’m back to render judgment upon those who remain. The good book says, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Well, been there, done that, and so this morning I set about putting on my Judgy McJudgerson impression and having at it.

That said, OH MY GOD THIS IS DIFFICULT. I was a judge last year, and I have to say that it was nowhere near as hard as making picks in the Final Four is turning out to be. So, I’m just going to break out the trust d20 and hope for the — wait, @caidid is telling me I can’t just trust fate on this one. Damn.

WEST BRACKET

1. @texasinafrica vs. 1. @blakehounshell

A clash of the titans, the pugilistic, no-holds-barred slugfest we’ve all seen marching inexorably up the bracket. And it turned out to be…less than competitive.

On the one hand, I greatly enjoy @blakehounshell’s normal body of work, as day in and day out he has one of the best foreign policy Twitter feeds out there, as evidenced by his presence among the Final Four. And the guy was kind enough to edit my ForeignPolicy.com piece on the crazy that is Jim DeMint into something that was mostly readable. Plus, the use of his adorable son as a prop isn’t ever discouraged.

On that same hand, there’s the fact that @texasinafrica was the one that knocked me out of the running in the first place, with her amazingly well-timed Photoshops and all. Which left me feeling like this when @caidid first asked me to judge this round:

But while @blakehounshell is tough, @texasinafrica has the moves necessary to run up the score against him. She was everywhere today — again. It’s no secret that this is why she was the overall no. 1 seed, and it shone through yet again today. Not only was she being her normal overly informative self, tweeting news and very strong opinions about Africa, but she took every chance she could get to remind the audience to vote for her over @blakehounshell and pester him for his beliefs. She went in deep, too. Whoever she has running oppo for her deserves a place at the table in 2016.

And when it comes to pandering, man did @texasinafrica take the cake. I’m not saying her promise of aFounding Farmers gift card totally swung me, but it certainly didn’t hurt. And @blakehounshell’s less that convincing plea towards the end, along with his refusal to acknowledge the request for some sweet, sweet Foreign Policy funding for the TFC13 wrap-up happy hour, wasn’t super impressive.

So in the end, I’m going to have to give this one to @texasinafrica, to help send her to the Championship. Here’s hoping @blakehounshell ever solicits words from me ever again.

EAST BRACKET

5. @smsaideman vs. 11. @JimmySky

This one was much, much more difficult than the seeding would have you believe. Both of these two gave it their all, so I’m just going to start writing in the hopes that by the time I’ve finished I’ve picked a winner and I’ve stopped feeling like this:

As a fan of Michigan State basketball and the Big Ten, I can totally appreciate the beauty that is grinding down an opponent with suffocating defense. And that’s precisely what @smsaideman did today, ensuring that nothing got by him, that no opportunity to pander wasn’t grabbed, and no second chance for points wasn’t taken. His near endless supply of memes was definitely eye-catching and hilarious.

His flooding the zone only drew more attention to @JimmySky’s distinct lack of tweeting throughout most of the day. There were no attempts at TKOs like we saw during his fight with @SlaughterAM. What cuts @JimmySky did manage to get were definitely razor-sharp, though, which added to his points.

What really recovered @JimmySky, though, was his — as always — amazing stories about his kids, Kid A and Creep. Those definitely had to draw him plenty of votes from the masses, and I love hearing about them. In fact, one of my goals in life is to meet those kids before they get too old to be precocious.

And @JimmySky’s pandering was definitely more targeted, pulling out the comic book lore and all that jazz, which I love. But @smsaideman was no slouch either, going the flattery route, which is never unappreciated.

In the end, though, I’m going to surprise myself and say that this isn’t TwitterKidsClub. it’s Twitter Fight Club. And throughout the day, @smsaideman was the tougher fighter, earning him my vote. At least @JimmySky will learn from this, and invite me to Founding Farmers next time…

@intelwire

Opening homage aping semi-obscure historical political document]

[Self-congratulatory remarks couched as praise for contest]

[Self-indulgent, slightly-too-long flight of prose]

And now to the results [note to self, don’t forget to fill in the top].

@JimmySky vs. @smsaideman
@texasinafrica vs. @blakehounshell

In each of these two contests, the following conditions applied:

1) Each pitted one of my core follows (column A) against someone I hadn’t been following before (column B).

2) Each pitted someone who already followed me (A) against someone who didn’t follow me until today (B).

3) Each pitted a non-panderer (A) against a panderer (B). I am not so much a fan of pandering.

4) Each pitted someone who had previously been notably nice to me (A) against someone I barely knew prior to today (B).

But let’s see how it plays out.

@JimmySky and @smsaideman put on an entertaining battle, no doubt. @JimmySky led with a strong slate of tweets about his kids, but it was OK, because a) he always does that and b) the stories are always funny. @smsaideman countered with some funny nerd memes, plus he carried over some previous goodwill due to @will_mccants’ recent praise of his hospitality. @smsaideman tried pandering. As I mentioned, I don’t care for pandering, but if you’re going to do it, GO LARGE. Complimenting the lustre of my beard is not going large; plugging my research paper from last week would have at least shown some attention to detail. Finally, @JimmySky is a cool twitter handle, whereas I can’t figure out how to pronounce @smsaideman. For all these reasons, I have to give the edge to @JimmySky, in addition to his falling in Column A.

Winner: @JimmySky

Over in the @blakehounshell vs. @texasinafrica match, the former started out with a commanding position in Column A, enhanced by the fact that his feed is not dissimilar to mine, and oh, did I mention, he’s kind of my boss over at Foreign Policy? @texasinafrica put on an impressive display of opposition research that had some impact, but in the process inadvertently alerted me to the fact Blake is from Pittsburgh, where I lived for more than a decade and which I remember fondly, so, you know, unintended consequences. On the pandering front, @texasinafrica did GO LARGE, offering to send “anything you want” via parcel post, but here’s the thing: I really didn’t believe that she was serious about that, and by the time I opened my parcel, it would be too late because I would already have cast my vote. Well fought, but @blakehounshell takes it.

@robertcaruso

I do not follow any of the four contestants; I find the volume too heavy for my own timeline, which I use to aggregate information in lieu of cable news & Google Reader. The content of all four contestants, however, is stellar, and is a permanent fixture of at least one of my many twitter lists. It also helps that none of these four say exceptionally asinine things about drones, nor do any of them think is Africa is a country, which is a mark in the plus column regardless of the winner(s). I looked at all four competitors’ tweets from 1 MAR to today, and considered both feeds in terms of the criteria frequently cited in the Twitter Fight Club posts.

Knowledge-base:

@smsaideman — Stephen, being an alumni of The Building and a contemporary of at least four of my former skippers, would ordinarily be my preferred choice seeing as he is also my go-to source on encapsulating civil-military relations, which he predicates on experience — a rare commodity in this to- swamp.

@JimmySky — a diamond in rough, @jimmysky is perhaps the only personality on Twitter sans @maxwalsh92 and @jasonfritz1 who can match my encyclopedic knowledge of the litany of uniform patterns simultaneously in use by the US military present-day (14 by last count). He also imparts priceless Star Wars trivia to his adorable kids which, as a nerd, is to be commended.

ADVANTAGE: @JimmySky

@texasinafrica — Laura had the common decency to offer me rum unsoiled by the hands of Dominicans, an inferior and decidedly primitive island people relegated by the clearly superior Puerto Rican super-race to sharing a hunk of hardened lava with the Haitians. Ordinarily, this alone would secure a win. But she also studies, teaches and visits Africa — which, curiously enough, is not a country but a rather large continent located to the east of Jalalabad.

@blakehounshell — Blake knows we’re tired of reading about drones but comes up with increasingly creative ruses to get us to click, which is commendable for its ruthlessness.

ADVANTAGE: @texasinafrica

Logic & Reasoning:

@smsaideman — Stephen is methodical, sane and not prone to giving credence to nonsense. He knows NATO and doesn’t subscribe to ridiculous conspiracy theories involving our dilapidated CIA, drones, the Department of Homeland Security or all three.

@JimmySky — He also is methodical and sane and has instilled in his children the (rightful!) fear of Death Stars, which are superior to drones in virtually every respect (they’re also energy efficient).

ADVANTAGE: @JimmySky

@texasinafrica — Laura knows where Mali is which, living here amongst the Georgetown students, is a Herculean feat indeed.

@blakehounshell — Blake has the dubious honor of not only presiding over a Foreign Policy web presence replete with listicle after infuriating listicle, but an equally infuriating login screen that prevents me from enjoying things I want to read, which usually consists of @joshrogin’s incredible scoops and @azelin and @tweetsintheME taking men and women twice (meh, thrice) their age to task.

ADVANTAGE: @texasinafrica

Responsiveness to followers:

In the interest of actual objectivity, I am unable to gauge responsiveness properly, seeing as all four finalists are included in one or more of my Twitter lists but I don’t actually follow them. Fair is fair, unless its permissible to cheat (which is often) — but we’re not doing that here.

Humor, snark and facility with quips (I’ll be using a scale of 1 to 10 here on out)

@smsaideman — 9 out of 10.

@JimmySky — 7 out of 10.

ADVANTAGE: @smsaideman

@texasinafrica - 5 out of 10

@blakehounshell - 7 out of 10

ADVANTAGE: @blakehounshell

Charisma & overall awesomeness:

@smsaideman — 9 out of 10.

@JimmySky — 7 out of 10.

ADVANTAGE: @smsaideman

@texasinafrica - 5 out of 10

@blakehounshell - 7 out of 10

ADVANTAGE: @blakehounshell

Overall, I vote for @jimmysky and @texasinafrica. It was tough — but fair.

@jasminchill, @max_fisher, @Speechboy71, @JasonFritz1

@EvansRyan202, @gregorydjohnsen, @drjjoyner, @azelin

@Doctrine_Man, @astridhka, @attackerman, @SlaughterAM

@lwscaustralia, @drfarls, @HayesBrown, @lesley_warner

All of these twitterfighters have fallen to the four who now remain. Who will emerge from today’s contests to fight in the final round? It’s up to the judges, and you.

Today’s judges are:

@guinpherson
@hayesbrown
@intelwire
@robertcaruso

You can enter your votes below:

Polls close at midnight EDT, so vote for your favorites!