The high seeds advance in six of today’s eight contests, but two one seeds fall, as just three more days of competition remain before the 2012 TwitterFightClub champion is crowned!
Sweet 16 Results
East: (1) @abuaardvark vs. (12) @stcolumbia
Judges: 3.5-0.5 for @stcolumbia (87.5% of judges’ vote)
Popular vote:
@stcolumbia: 268 (66%)
@abuaardvark: 141 (34%)
The prolific Twitter output and higher recent engagement of dark horse @stcolumbia is enough to dispatch (1) seed @abuaardvark.
East: (2) @joshuafoust vs. (11) @naheedmustafa
Judges: 2.5-1.5 for @naheedmustafa (62.5% of judges’ vote)
Popular vote:
@joshuafoust: 177 (64%)
@naheedmustafa: 98 (36%)
@naheedmustafa’s edge in the judges’ vote is not enough to overcome the popular advantage enjoyed by her opponent. @joshuafoust ekes out a narrow victory here.
South: (1) @dandrezner vs. (4) @DaveedGR
Judges: 3.5-0.5 for @dandrezner (87.5% of judges’ vote)
Popular vote:
@dandrezner: 151 (55%)
@DaveedGR: 122 (45%)
@DaveedGR had a light Twitter day at the wrong time. Despite protestations of a busy schedule, @dandrezner brought enough content and snark to impress the people and especially the judges.
South: (2) @blakehounshell vs. (14) @astridhka
Judges: 2.5-1.5 for @astridhka (62.5% of judges’ vote)
Popular vote:
@blakehounshell: 174 (60%)
@astridhka: 114 (40%)
In a whisper-close contest, higher seed @blakehounshell manages to squeak past @astridhka by the narrowest of margins thanks to his better showing in the popular vote.
North: (1) @attackerman vs. (12) @smsaideman
Judges: 3-1 for @smsaideman (75% of judges’ vote)
Popular vote:
@smsaideman: 154 (53%)
@attackerman: 139 (47%)
The @attackerman has stayed aloof from the competition, and this round it finally took its toll, as the underdog @smsaideman continues his run, taking three of four judges and the popular vote.
North: (3) @will_mccants vs. (7) @AzmatZahra
Judges: 2-2 (50% of judges’ vote to each)
Popular vote:
@will_mccants: 195 (59%)
@AzmatZahra: 135 (41%)
Both competitors had the full court press on today, but @will_mccants advances on the strength of his advantage in the popular vote.
West: (4) @jeffemanuel vs. (8) @tweetsintheme
Judges: 2-2 (50% of judges’ vote to each)
Popular vote:
@jeffemanuel: 127 (51%)
@tweetsintheme: 122 (49%)
In the closest match of the day, @jeffemanuel pulls off a victory on the basis of his very slight edge in the popular vote.
West: (2) @texasinafrica vs. (14) @laurenist
Judges: 3-1 for @texasinafrica (75% of judges’ vote)
Popular vote:
@texasinafrica: 205 (62%)
@laurenist: 125 (38%)
In a match that gave all of the judges fits, both competitors gave their all, tossing off content, quips, and bribe offers all day long, but in the end the high seed prevails. @texasinafrica still looks dominant heading into today’s Elite Eight.
Elite Eight Match-ups
Today’s matches will be judged by:
- @azelin
- @brianfishman
- @peterjmunson
- @zackbeauchamp
The panel’s judgment will count for 40% of the vote, with each judge representing one-fourth of that total, meaning that the public vote is worth 60% of the total. Judges and voters alike are encouraged to look at metrics such as: knowledge base; quality of argumentation; innovative thinking; humor, snark, facility with quips, and charisma; and responsiveness to followers. Contestants’ full bodies of work on Twitter are fair game, but any work outside of Twitter should not be considered, and once again everyone is encouraged to make their decisions in their own way. The winners move on to Monday’s Final Four!
Polls are open until midnight, and remember to get out the vote! Now, without further ado, your Elite Eight!
Read on for the Sweet 16 judges’ ballots.
East and South
@AdamWeinstein
(2) @joshuafoust vs. (11) @naheedmustafa
This one is hard, because I have a deep personal bond with both Josh and Naheed. I mean, as personal as you can get in years of Twitter debates and commiserations. Which isn’t really personal at all, but it’s pretty darn virtually personal. Hell, I think I know what Foust has eaten every night for the past decade, owing to his prolific tweeting. We get it, dude. You like Swiss chard.
Also, these two are both excellent muckrakers, ready to call out stupidity when it’s warranted — and both do it with a lovely balance of wit and righteous fury. Like I said, it’s a tough decision.
On the other hand, this is pretty easy: I work for Mother Jones, and there’s a minority Canadian woman competing against a white dude. Being that they’re both brilliant, on teh Twitterz and off, I have no qualms about breaking this Gordian knot with some hardened lefty affirmative action. Naheed gets the nod. And it’s not just because she shares my obsessions with social justice and The Kids in the Hall. I swear.
WINNER: @naheedmustafa
(1) @dandrezner vs. (4) @DaveedGR
Dammit, stop giving me these hard choices between people I dig. When I was a policy debater in college, there was a word that we cunning linguists uttered only in hushed murmurs in the dark corners of tournament rooms, for fear its vocalization might summon the spirit it invoked: “DAVEED.” He was a rockstar then and now, always willing to remind you when your argument is non-inherent, non-topical, and lacking in internal links and significant harms. He is as well a sensitive and empathetic voice from the other side of the proverbial aisle. He is an amazing person, in tweet form and everywhere else.
But as far as I know, he’s not into zombies or the Bosox. And he’s never tweeted me any hilarious quotes about Stratfor or comely TV models. Besides, I warned Daveed that I’m a fiat abuser. Drezner takes it in a photo-finish.
WINNER: @dandrezner
(2) @blakehounshell vs. (14) @astridhka
I cannot live without Blake. I could block everything Middle Eastern in my RSS and TV feeds and still know more than most Florida-based professors of IR theory and comparative politics just by following Blake’s twitter feed. He is smart and, apparently, permanently unable to sleep or stop working. I definitely sympathize. Hell, he moves around the world so much, I have no clue where he’s at till he tweets it.
But! I hate the Steelers and their idiot QB. I’m not big on Yalies. I’m looking for an upset pick. And I’m pretty sure that Blake won’t need my help, because he’s kind of a beast in this bracket. Astrid is a do-gooder with a dry wit and a keen sense of the possible in disadvantaged corners of the world. Also, she gets extra points for actually being in those corners right now, and for having a tweet-voice with a slight edge that I recognize as similar to my own.
WINNER: @astridhka
(1) @abuaardvark vs. (12) @stcolumbia
WHOA. George Washington professor vs. George Washington student? Is that for real? Marc Lynch is a badass Middle East expert. Dan Trombly is a bit more of a generalist. Both are passionate, fun on the Twitter, and prone to long bouts of intelligent discourse. But lately, I see Dan wading in more to argue it out with his peers - on Twitter, on his blog - and I like that. He’s hungry. And he’s my pick.
WINNER: @stcolumbia
So, actually, I guess I’m all about the upsets this week. It’s like that little old Irish lady who was all about the underdogs said: “I will tell the truth wherever I please.” Fiat, baby, fiat!
@brettfriedman
I apologize for not writing another epic yarn, but I did not have the time or the favor of the Muses today. They are fickle mistresses. Yet, I’ve been called upon to judge and judge I shall.
In the case of @abuaardvark versus @stcolumbia there was really no contest. @abuaardvark does not follow me. If he did, he would know that I requested a signed copy of contestant’s books for their votes. Now I’ll have to order his book from Amazon like some kind of pleb and hope he visits Quantico on his book tour. @stcolumbia on the other hand, regularly converses with me on twitter and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him twice now. He’s just as impressive in real life, and intoxicated, as he is on twitter.
Winner: @stcolumbia
In the case of @joshuafoust versus @naheedmustafa I had a great deal of difficulty. @joshuafoust is a legendary twitter pugilist and writes a super smart blog. But, I love an underdog, and @naheedmustafa never backed down from the formidable @joshuafoust for a second. She kept a lively offensive going for much of the day. But, Canada. Canada. They beat us in a scrap once, when we were a young nation and the Marine Corps was busy. Still, I’ll give this one to her. Although I will remind you, Canada, that a wise man once said that the result in war is never final. We will come for you.
Winner: @naheedmustafa
In the case of @dandrezner versus @DaveedGR we have two published authors who also failed to heed the call for signed books. Also, they both author fantastic twitter feeds. (Their twitter feeds are also not autographed.) As difficult as choosing between these two feeds is, one contestant went for the comedic jugular and the other decided to keep his tweets light in the interests of sportsmanship and mercy. Mercy is weakness. War is not sport. This one goes to @dandrezner
Winner: @dandrezner
In the case of @blakehounshell versus @astridhka, I fear my vote may not matter. @blakehounshell has a whopping 36,447 followers who he has appealed to for votes. I cannot abide this populism. I’m a firm believer in a ruling class, especially since I rule.
Winner: @astridhka
@drfarls
(1) @abuaardvark vs. (12) @stcolumbia
This was an interesting matchup from the start. @stcolumbia came onto the court with a lot of underdog energy, and decided to use it to engage in an epic twitter battle with…. some guy who wasn’t @abuaardvark. Unfortunately for him, @abuaardvark embarked on a Dukakis-esque “Rose-Garden-while-not-in-the-Rose-Garden strategy” leaving himself vulnerable to defeat by the cagey-but-strategically-challenged undergraduate. In the end, @stcolumbia should pull it out, and continue his Cinderella run. But will midnight soon chime?
(2) @joshuafoust vs. (11) @naheedmustafa
This was a close, well fought battle on both sides. @naheedmustafa came to play, demonstrating no underdog jitters. @joshuafoust took the fight seriously, not looking ahead to the next battle. Both employed a sophisticated array of funny, snarky, and substantive tweets. In the end, I’m only human; @joshuafoust promised cookies for everyone if he won, and anyone who knows me will understand that such an offer is virtually impossible to resist. In response, @naheedmustafa offered only freedom. Eh…. I’ll take the cookies.
(1) @dandrezner vs. (4) @DaveedGR
@DaveedGR opened strong, going hard on the zombie angle. Tenacious defense by @dandrezner put an end to that, and Drezner owned most of the rest of the day. Perhaps @DaveedGR was exhausted after the epic battle with @InkSpotsGulliver? In any case, the “fake faculty meeting” and the scurrilous attacks on Glenn Greenwald ensured a colossal victory for @dandrezner, who today resembled the Kentucky Wildcats bringing their A game. @DaveedGR shouldn’t hang his head about anything, other than being savagely beaten.
(2) @blakehounshell vs. (14) @astridhka
@astridhka put up a good fight, but was simply overwhelmed by the MLRS-esque barrage of @blakehounshell. Touching on virtually ever subject conceivably related to foreign policy and national security, @blakehounshell turned in what amounted to a normal twitter day, not even taking the “let’s bash Glenn Greenwald” low road. A dominating performance to set up a classic Elite Eight matchup.
@elsnarkistani
@elsnarkistani missed the deadline. Consequently, all of his votes will be split evenly between contestants.
West and North
@dianawueger
Oh my stars, this was tough. This is a great set of tweeters - they all get Twitter as a communication platform, and they play to its strengths and to their audiences. And because my ballot’s late and because I refuse to engage in too much group hugging, I’m keepin’ it short and sweet:
(1) @attackerman vs. (12) @smsaideman - I’m busting my own bracket here, but I’ve been so impressed with Saideman’s Twitter output both recently and… less recently? What’s the word here? Whatever. This sorta comes down to whether you prefer high-output vs. low-output, and I’m rewarding high output here. But only here.
(3) @will_mccants vs. (7) @AzmatZahra - So yesterday I had a minor breakdown over my soul-crushing PhD rejections, and both of these individuals were sympathetic AND had helpful suggestions. This is one of my favorite parts of Twitter - that incredible, brilliant people are easy to access and take time from their lives to help you out. But in the end, Will’s depth of knowledge is enough to drown in, and also.
(4) @jeffemanuel vs. (8) @tweetsintheme - Justifying this choice is nearly impossible. Just… I don’t know. Follow them both. They can both win TFC as far as I’m concerned. Jeff’s holding a rifle in his avatar. I… I can’t read or write.
(2) @texasinafrica vs. (14) @laurenist - So it comes down to this, does it? While my twin in panda hattery remains the gin in my tonic, TexasinAfrica brings news I would never otherwise find, real insight born of both experience and study and the willingness to share it, and a true fighter’s spirit. This woman awes me on a daily basis.
@RogueAdventurer
Another (almost) all-nighter saw some of the best matches of the competition. The games will only heat up from here, and demand participation and engagement from all competitors. Good luck to everyone moving on to the 8!
Match 1 – @attackerman vs @smsaideman
I found @attackerman’s strategy of ignoring his opponent and tweeting very little to be pretty unimpressive. Whilst he displayed one TFC-worthy counterstrike early on, there was sadly little to follow. @smsaideman, on the other hand, hit back with a variety of references, and also covered some very interesting content, ranging from Afghanistan to the recent “is there such as thing as a ‘terrorism expert” debate. He also had time to organise a game of Ultimate for ISA 2012 (yes, it’s a hippy’s game, but still) and play some Junta with his students. @will_mccants also had some insightful thoughts on the nature of the two competitors’ avatars. At this stage in the game it is not acceptable to simply rest on your laurels and hope to slide to victory. For me, a clear win for @smsaideman.
Winner: @smsaideman
Match 2 – @will_mccants vs @AzmatZahra
Both contestants came out of their corners swinging, with @will_mccants typecasting his opponent as an ‘internet goliath’, then engaging in some very comprehensive pandering to the judges. His allies then showcased the strength of their bond with him. @AzmatZahra hit out with a charming photo posing alongside Katniss (I had to google the reference, but I’m sure other judges appreciated it), before both contestants settled in to tweet some interesting content on the AfPak region, intel gathering procedures, academia, and – of course – the nature of terrorism experts (@AzmatZahra was kind enough to defend her opponent earlier). @will_mccants suggested we TFC judges drink like Orson Welles, and that resonated very well with the panel, no doubt. @AzmatZahra did promise to cook for any judges who made it to Boston (that Instagram link contains the delicious pun, “If only every day could be koobide”), and backed that up with another good foodie tweet – both winners for me. Unfortunately, these just weren’t enough to take the edge off @will_mccants sustained efforts, and my vote, narrowly, goes his way. Need to chuck in a special mention for AzmatZahra’s new profile pic - awesome stuff.
Winner: @will_mccants
Match 3 – @jeffemanuel vs @tweetsintheme
This proved to be the gentleman’s match of the round, with both contestants focusing on tweeting good quality content on a range of topics. @tweetsintheme covered Mali, the Tolouse shooting, Afghanistan, Boko Haram, and facial hair, whilst @jeffemanuel looked at an even broader range of topics, from WMDs in South Afric, to domestic politics. @jeffemanuel was certainly the more prolific tweeter, and whilst I would have like to see a little more interaction between the contestants, both interacted extensively with followers. Both competitors finished the day by thanking their opponents honourably. This was a tough one for me, but I am awarding a narrow victory to @jeffemanuel.
Winner: @jeffemanuel
Match 4 – @texasinafrica vs @laurenist
This match was the trickiest to adjudicate of the day’s line up. Both competitors epitomised TFC in my mind – they balanced funny with smart, snarky with respectful, and threw in a whole lot of pandering, vote-buying, and non sequitur references. Both contestants tweeted about a wide range of content, and also laid a number of solid Tweet-blows on each other whilst putting themselves up. My favourites, from each competitor:
https://twitter.com/#!/laurenist/status/185118168728080386
https://twitter.com/#!/laurenist/status/185094000603168768
https://twitter.com/#!/laurenist/status/185153519857315840
https://twitter.com/#!/texasinafrica/status/185006861630717953
https://twitter.com/#!/texasinafrica/status/185150061267791872
https://twitter.com/#!/texasinafrica/status/185152547969957889
This has certainly proven to be one hell of a tough match to judge. Whilst I don’t want to arbitrate on the ‘leggings are pants’ debate, today’s match is awarded, by the finest of margins, to…
Winner: @texasinafrica
Well fought, ladies!
@stephaniecarvin
Methodology: In the interest of fairness, I looked at tweeting over a 24 hour period and evaluated based on 1) national security content 2) snark 3) impact. I have honestly tried to be as even handed as I could.
That being said, this was a bloody hard bracket to judge. Congratulations to all of the contestents for making it this far and, for those of you playing at home, if you’re not following all 16 of these guys, you’re missing out.
@smsaideman vs @ATTACKERMAN
Disclosure:
I have met @smsaideman once in London where I bought beer, we are friends on facebook and heis a co-blogger @duckofminerva. He has also promised me coffee two weeks from now in Ottawa and I have followed him on twitter for some time. \
I have never met @attackerman, but I very much appreciate the fact he re-introduced me to Alphaflight. And that’s freaking cool. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_Flight
Bribes: Uh, coffee from @smsaideman?
Content:
@smsaideman
A decent mix of security links and #tfc12 pandering – which is good. It is very clear that he is in it to win it. While he may only have 1.3K followers to 18K, he has a steady stream of content on international and Canadian security/defence issues. Bonus: He is even organising an ultimate match for the Nerd Prom that is the International Studies Association annual conference in San Diego. https://twitter.com/#!/smsaideman/status/185078362702749697
Summary Haiku
Fighting the good fight
He battled his opponent
He’s the Prof who lived
@attackerman
So… What does this even mean: https://twitter.com/#!/attackerman/status/185121990200410113
Or this: https://twitter.com/#!/attackerman/status/185026199976816640
In my opinion, this was the David and Goliath match of the North & West. @smsaideman is the snarky but loveable family man/Professor that likes Harry Potter and @attackerman seems to have a lot of tattoos and like the crazy punk music: http://spencerackerman.typepad.com/
The difficulty here is that while @smsaideman was definitely playing to win, @attackerman broke a major news story about the FBI “bending the rules” when it came to the way it trained CT officials. The Twitter Fight Club rules state that we are not to judge work outside of twitter feeds – but these were some tweets leading to an impressive story. http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2012/03/fbi-bend-suspend-law/
Summary Haiku
May not tweet a lot
But breaks major news stories
On his twitter feed
Verdict: @smsaideman, you know I loves you. But getting cited in the Guardian and NYT in the same day because you broke a major CT scandal kind of wins. Sorry. Winner is @attackerman
Don’t hate me.
@AZMATZAHRA vs @WILL_MCCANTS
Disclosure:
Azmatzahra is someone I have only followed recently. We have never met. However, I am always highly impressed with the NatSec Ladiez.
I met Will McCants last summer. He is very tall. As someone who is 5 foot 2.5 inches on a good day, that impresses me. I have followed him on Twitter for a long time and he is tolerant of my terrible Persian.
Bribes: Azmatzahra did not tweet me today. @Will_McCants tweeted a link to my book AND my Mom. That’s right @will_mccants tweeted my Mom.
Content:
@Azmatzahra did some very cool tweets today. In particular, very interesting links about sexual violence in Syria and an interesting Frontline expose on the FBI using Muslim outreach programs as a way to collect intelligence. (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/foreign-affairs-defense/are-we-safer/docs-reveal-fbi-used-muslim-outreach-as-guise-to-collect-intel/)
She has a great interaction with other tweeters and some pretty good digs in at Will McCants like this: https://twitter.com/#!/AzmatZahra/status/185115001596559360
Summary haiku:
This tweeter is cool
Good combination of tweets
Except Hunger Games.
@WILL_MCCANTS is hilarious. He has been one of my favourite tweeters for a while. Will also gets dumped on regularly for reasons I do not quite understand, as @abumuqawama rightly notes, “I find it hilarious and depressing that these guys keep going after the least Islamophobic terrorism specialist in America”.
Then again, Will McCants is often up to things. Terrible things. http://willmccants.tumblr.com/
Unfortunately, while Will McCants was hilarious today – there was not as much security content as befitting a #tfc12 fighter. We need the best of both worlds.
Summary haiku:
He is very tall
And he’s awesome on CT
But not today, eh?
Verdict: Going on the basis of content, I am going to have to award this to @azmatzahra.
I’m so sorry Will. I adore you. You may think of me as the Glenn Greenwald of #TFC12, but I will buy you a beer next time I am in DC and you can curse me out in Persian. :-/
I feel so sad now.
@JEFFEMANUEL vs @TWEETSINTHEME
Disclosure: I have followed both twitter accounts for some time. I have not met @jeffemanuel but I have vague recollections of meeting @tweetsintheME last Washington after about 4 cocktails. Hence the vague… I think?
Bribes: None, so far as I can tell.
Content:
@Jeffemanuel – this man tweets A LOT. Still, somehow he makes it all very interesting. He also takes flack from the left and right which plays into my sympathy vote. Or maybe he will be singlehandedly responsible for Barack Obama winning in November. https://twitter.com/#!/jeffemanuel/status/183587453469339650
Today’s feed had a lot of the Supreme Court’s decision on healthcare (which I confess, as a liberal Canadian, I cannot understand for the life of me – seriously: Get some goddamn healthcare, America. Seriously.) Gingrich, But dude also had his twisticuff trousers on - taking on left and right on twitter as public content and the @will_mccants haters.
That being said, there was not a lot on what I would consider to be security/national security issues today. There were some interesting RTs and replies, but, quite frankly, I want less on bizarro-US politics or GOP infighting, and more on… national security.
Summary Haiku:
Lots of twisticuffs
But what’s up with the healthcare?
More security!
@tweetsintheME
Despite being Tweets in the Middle East, there was an excellent range of tweets on North Africa, (Mali, Nigeria), the fallout of the shootings in Toulouse, got in on the Greenwald “what is an expert” smackdown, et, @tweetsintheME peut tweet en français. Très internationale! https://twitter.com/#!/tweetsintheME/status/184987417760104448
There was also some great interaction with fellow tweeters.
Summary haiku:
Lots of good tweets, but
Not *actually* from Mid East
It’s a misnomer
Verdict: Again, based on National Security content, I’m going to go @tweetsintheME.
@texasinafrica vs @laurenist
How am I supposed to judge this. HOW?
In what will surely go down as one of the greatest Twitter Fight Club match-ups of all time, we have two of the finest Securi-tweebs go mano-a-mano… or, uh, lady-fight.
We had this: https://twitter.com/#!/texasinafrica/status/185152547969957889
And this: https://twitter.com/#!/laurenist/status/185153519857315840
And This: https://twitter.com/#!/texasinafrica/status/185130883152478208
And This: https://twitter.com/#!/laurenist/status/185151290173685760
Dang. Let’s start from the beginning.
Disclosure: I have met neither @texasinafrica nor @laurenist. I have a sneaking suspicion that @texasinafrica may be living my life in a parallel dimension south of the Mason-Dixon Line, but that is for another day.
Bribes: I think somewhere along the line I was promised a pony and (another?) PhD. Laurenist probably takes the cake for pandering though. I like pandering.
Content:
@texasinafrica
Despite teaching a seminar on Liberal Democratic Peace Theory, everyone’s favourite Professor on Africa from Texas got her TWEET ON. She covered many aspects of security in Africa, including gender, terrorism, the Mali coup and the ICC. Further there was Banjo: https://twitter.com/#!/tweetsintheME/status/184987417760104448 and Otter http://jezebel.com/5896986/adorable-baby-sea-otter-has-the-power-to-erase-stress
For the record, my Mom loved the otter.
@texasinafrica has become an indispensible source on international politics – not just Africa. That she is so indispensible while being generally funny and interesting is double plus good.
Summary Haiku:
Now she is the Prof
That all of the cool kids want
Because she is boss.
@laurenist
Leggings are not pants. https://twitter.com/#!/laurenist/status/185018034749050880
However, @laurenist’s love of cupcakes and knowledge of poutine goes a long way in my book. And the fact of the matter is @ laurenist brought fight to today’s events. There are few who are sharper, wittier or, frankly, more awesome on the twitters.
Today, however, was mostly content-free. There was one RT of a Truman Project – but, if we’re going on NatSec tweets, there was not a lot here to judge. And this is where there is going to be a pinch.
Summary Haiku:
Leggings are not pants
I don’t care where you are from
Don’t want to see bums
Verdict: Oy this one was hard. The fact is that the twitterverse is better in the aftermath of today’s main event as far as I am concerned. That being said, I am going to cast my vote for @texasinafrica. Like @will_mccants, I shall try to make up my decision to @laurenist in alcohol (and poutine and cupcakes) the next time I am in DC.
@zachprague
@attackerman vs. @smsaideman
Not much of a “fight” as it were — very few tweets exchanged, and only one with a phallic reference. So, this one had to be judged differently. I go with @smsaideman here for several reasons, the main being the offer of a hat made from the flesh of an animal.
@will_mccants vs. @AzmatZahra
Will McCants is boosted by the “Greenwald quotient” for having recently engaged Glenn Greenwald on Twitter for more than 10 tweets. McCants also utilized various algorithms to locate a photo spread of this judge which appeared in a regional architecture magazine some time ago. This judge can’t say for certain if he was flattered or disgusted.
Azmat Khan is one of the best on Twitter at finding expose-type material. Tweet-for-tweet, she is unrivaled in the hard news arena. She also managed to flatter this judge through tweeting a link to a corporate account he controls — always a plus.
This one was close, but @AzmatZahra gets the nod, due in large part to her tweet about McCants’ dreams of appropriating Balochistan’s wealth. For all we know it’s true, and he must be stopped.
@jeffemanuel vs. @tweetsintheme
Andrew Lebovich also benefitted from a recent Twitter to and fro with Greenwald, and was similarly boosted by the corresponding quotient. As these two really didn’t fight it out — and even encouraged their respective followers to follow each other, I was tempted to not vote for either. @tweetsintheme gets the nod, pushed across the line by the Greenwald Quotient.
@texasinafrica vs. @laurenist
Texas stepped it up, heaping praise on the judges early. Having left our mothers’ respective basements so rarely in the past six months, we judges were, to say the least, humbled by the expression of affection from an actual digital human being. This judge was offered a pony, an offer, as any reasonable person knows, that is physically impossible to pass up.
A late charge by @laurenist — no doubt buoyed and sustained by hours of training in Laurenism — made this content particularly difficult. My vote goes to @laurenist, based largely on what seem to be accurate charges against @texasinafrica for, among other things, “eating soup with a spoon.” Nothing more conventional than that.
